Tuesday, January 29, 2013


Assalamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullah

 Dear Muslims,
 You are all invited to attend the following Monthly Dars in Urdu with your families & friends.
Seperate  arrangement is available for ladies .

The details of Dars is as follow:

Speaker  :   Shaykh Asadullah Madani 
Date & Time:
  31st of  JANUARY 2013  Thursday  immediately after ISHA  PRAYER in shaa` Allaah
Location: Masjid Al-Muntaza Al-Junoobi.    {wellknown as Bakery Wali Masjid}
opposite to New Deccan Sweets / Ladies ParkHara, Hayyul wazaraat, Riyadh.
 For more details please contact  : Shaykh Asadullah Madani at 0503425235
Take your part in Dawah by forwarding this message to All your Muslim brothers & sisters in Riyadh.
Rabbana Taqabbal  Minna Innaka antas Samee` ul Aleem . Ameen !

Please click the link to download below LAST MONTH DARS ( SHUKR KI AHMIAT )
Please click the below link to download previous  month dars MUHARRAM WA SAFAR KI HAQEEQAT



   Your brother in Islam
~*Syed Ibrahim (Talha)~*


Monday, January 28, 2013

Fwd: Sahi Islami Aqeeda

نقره لتكبير أو تصغير الصورة ونقرتين لعرض الصورة في صفحة مستقلة بحجمها الطبيعي 

   Your brother in Islam
~*Syed Ibrahim (Talha)~*


Sunday, January 27, 2013

Anger Management Course

Bismillahir Rahmanir Rahim
In the Name of Allâh, the Most Beneficent, the Most Merciful


 Qstn: I have a bad temper, if I get mad or upset, I move away from the situation, when I was standing I would sit down, when I was sitting I would lie down, and I have recited the "darood" and "laholawallah kuwatta", but to no avail.
How does one control their temper then?

You can check this link: http://www.islamqa.com/en/ref/658

Or you can read below:


Praise be to Allaah.

Anger is one of the evil whispers of Shaytaan, which leads to so many evils and tragedies, of which only Allaah knows their full extent. For this reason Islam has a great deal to say about this bad characteristic, and the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) described cures for this "disease" and ways to limit its effects, among which are the following:

(1) Seeking refuge with Allaah from the Shaytaan:

Sulayman ibn Sard said: "I was sitting with the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), and two men were slandering one another. One of them was red in the face, and the veins on his neck were standing out. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, 'I know a word which, if he were to say it, what he feels would go away. If he said "I seek refuge with Allaah from the Shaytaan," what he feels (i.e., his anger) would go away.'" (Reported by al-Bukhaari, al-Fath, 6/337)

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "If a man gets angry and says, 'I seek refuge with Allaah,' his anger will go away." (Saheeh al-Jaami' al-Sagheer, no. 695)

(2) Keeping silent:

The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "If any of you becomes angry, let him keep silent." (Reported by Imaam Ahmad, al-Musnad, 1/329; see also Saheeh al-Jaami', 693, 4027).

This is because in most cases, the angry person loses self control and could utter words of kufr/disbelief (from which we seek refuge with Allaah), or curses, or the word of divorce (talaaq) which would destroy his home, or words of slander which would bring him the enmity and hatred of others. So, in short, keeping silent is the solution which helps one to avoid all that.

(3) Not moving:

The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "If any of you becomes angry and he is standing, let him sit down, so his anger will go away; if it does not go away, let him lie down."

The narrator of this hadeeth (report) is Abu Dharr (may Allaah be pleased with him), and there is a story connected to his telling of it: he was taking his camels to drink at a trough that he owned, when some other people came along and said (to one another), "Who can compete with Abu Dharr (in bringing animals to drink) and make his hair stand on end?" A man said, "I can," so he brought his animals and competed with Abu Dharr, with the result that the trough was broken. [i.e., Abu Dharr was expecting help in watering his camels, but instead the man misbehaved and caused the trough to be broken]. Abu Dharr was standing, so he sat down, then he laid down. Someone asked him, "O Abu Dharr, why did you sit down then lie down?" He said: "The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: . . ." and quoted the hadeeth. (The hadeeth and this story may be found in Musnad Ahmad, 5/152; see also Saheeh al-Jaami', no. 694).

According to another report, Abu Dharr was watering his animals at the trough, when another man made him angry, so he sat down . . . (Fayd al-Qadeer, al-Manaawi, 1/408)

Among the benefits of this advice given by the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) is the fact that it prevents the angry person from going out of control, because he could strike out and injure someone, or even kill - as we will find out shortly - or he could destroy possessions and so on. Sitting down makes it less likely that he will become overexcited, and lying down makes it even less likely that he will do something crazy or harmful. Al-'Allaamah al-Khattaabi, may Allaah have mercy on him, said in his commentary on Abu Dawud: "One who is standing is in a position to strike and destroy, while the one who is sitting is less likely to do that, and the one who is lying down can do neither. It is possible that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) told the angry person to sit down or lie down so that he would not do something that he would later regret. And Allaah knows best." (Sunan Abi Dawud, with Ma'aalim al-Sunan, 5/141)

(4) Following the advice of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him):

Abu Hurayrah, may Allaah be pleased with him, reported that a man said to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), "Advise me." He said, "Do not become angry." The man repeated his request several times, and each time the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) told him, "Do not become angry." (Reported by al-Bukhaari, Fath al-Bari, 10/456)

According to another report, the man said: "I thought about what the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, and I realized that anger combines all kinds of evil." (Musnad Ahmad, 5/373)

(5) Do not become angry and Paradise will be yours (a saheeh (authentic) hadeeth, see Saheeh al-Jaami', 7374. Ibn Hijr attributed it to al-Tabaraani, see al-Fath 4/465):

Remembering what Allaah has promised to the righteous (muttaqeen) who keep away from the causes of anger and struggle within themselves to control it, is one of the most effective ways of extinguishing the flames of anger. One of the ahaadeeth that describe the great reward for doing this is: "Whoever controls his anger at the time when he has the means to act upon it, Allaah will fill his heart with contentment on the Day of Resurrection." (Reported by al-Tabaraani, 12/453, see also Saheeh al-Jaami', 6518).

Another great reward is described in the Prophet's words: "Whoever controls his anger at the time when he has the means to act upon it, Allaah will call him before all of mankind on the Day of Resurrection, and will let him choose of the Hur al-'Iyn whoever he wants." (Reported by Abu Dawud, 4777, and others. It is classified as hasan (sound) in Saheeh al-Jaami, 6518).

(6) Knowing the high status and advantages offered to those who control themselves:

The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "The strong man is not the one who can overpower others (in wrestling); rather, the strong man is the one who controls himself when he gets angry." (Reported by Ahmad, 2/236; the hadeeth is agreed upon). The greater the anger, the higher the status of the one who controls himself. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "The strongest man is the one who, when he gets angry and his face reddens and his hackles rise, is able to defeat his anger." (Reported by Imaam Ahmad, 5/367, and classified as hasan in Saheeh al-Jaami', 3859)

Anas reported that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) passed by some people who were wrestling. He asked, "What is this?" They said: "So-and-so is the strongest, he can beat anybody." The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, "Shall I not tell you who is even stronger than him? The man who, when he is mistreated by another, controls his anger, has defeated his own shaytaan and the shaytaan of the one who made him angry." (Reported by al-Bazzaar, and Ibn Hijr said its isnaad is saheeh. Al-Fath, 10/519)

(7) Following the Prophet's example in the case of anger:

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) is our leader and has set the highest example in this matter, as is recorded in a number of ahaadeeth. One of the most famous was reported by Anas, may Allaah be pleased with him, who said: "I was walking with the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), and he was wearing a Najraani cloak with a rough collar. A Bedouin came and seized him roughly by the edge of his cloak, and I saw the marks left on his neck by the collar. Then the Bedouin ordered him to give him some of the wealth of Allaah that he had. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) turned to him and smiled, then ordered that he should be given something." (Agreed upon. Fath al-Baari, 10/375)

Another way in which we can follow the example of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) is by making our anger for the sake of Allaah, when His rights are violated. This is the kind of anger which is praiseworthy. So the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) became angry when he was told about the imaam who was putting people off the prayer by making it too long; when he saw a curtain with pictures of animate creatures in 'Aa'ishah's house; when Usaamah spoke to him about the Makhzoomi woman who had been convicted of theft, and he said "Do you seek to intervene concerning one of the punishments prescribed by Allaah?"; when he was asked questions that he disliked, and so on. His anger was purely for the sake of Allaah.

(8) Knowing that resisting anger is one of the signs of righteousness (taqwaa):

The righteous (al-muttaqoon) are those praised by Allaah in the Qur'aan and by His Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). Paradise as wide as heaven and earth has been prepared for them. One of their characteristics is that they (interpretation of the meaning) "spend (in Allaah's Cause) in prosperity and in adversity, [they] repress anger, and [they] pardon men; verily, Allaah loves al-muhsinoon (the good-doers)." [Aal 'Imraan 3:134]

These are the ones whose good character and beautiful attributes and deeds Allaah has mentioned, and whom people admire and want to emulate. One of their characteristics is that (interpretation of the meaning) ". . . when they are angry, they forgive." [al-Shooraa 42:47]

(9) Listening to reminders:

Anger is a part of human nature, and people vary in their anger. It may be difficult for a man not to get angry, but sincere people will remember Allaah when they are reminded, and they will not overstep the mark. Some examples follow:

Ibn 'Abbaas (may Allaah be pleased with him) reported that a man sought permission to speak to 'Umar ibn al-Khattaab (may Allaah be pleased with him), then he said: "O son of al-Khattaab, you are not giving us much and you are not judging fairly between us." 'Umar (may Allaah be pleased with him) was so angry that he was about to attack the man, but al-Hurr ibn Qays, who was one of those present, said: "O Ameer al-Mu'mineen, Allaah said to His Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) (interpretation of the meaning): 'Show forgiveness, enjoin what is good, and turn away from the foolish' [al-A'raaf 7:199]. This man is one of the foolish." By Allaah, 'Umar could go no further after al-Hurr had recited this aayah to him, and he was a man who was careful to adhere to the Book of Allaah. (Reported by al-Bukhaari, al-Fath, 4/304).

This is how the Muslim should be. The evil munaafiq (hypocrite) was not like this when he was told the hadeeth of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and one of the Companions said to him, "Seek refuge with Allaah from the Shaytaan." He said to the one who reminded him, "Do you think I am crazy? Go away!" (Reported by al-Bukhaari, al-Fath, 1/465). We seek refuge with Allaah from failure.

(10) Knowing the bad effects of anger:

The negative effects of anger are many; in short they cause damage to one's own self and to others. The angry person may utter words of slander and obscenity, he may attack others (physically) in an uncontrolled manner, even to the point of killing. The following story contains a valuable lesson:

'Ilqimah ibn Waa'il reported that his father (may Allaah be pleased with him) told him: "I was sitting with the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) when a man came to him leading another man by a rope. He said, 'O Messenger of Allaah, this man killed my brother.' The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) asked him, 'Did you kill him?' He said, 'Yes, I killed him.' He asked, 'How did you kill him?' He said, 'He and I were hitting a tree to make the leaves fall, for animal feed, and he slandered me, so I struck him on the side of the head with an axe, and killed him.' . . ." (Reported by Muslim, 1307, edited by al-Baaqi).

Anger could lead to less than killing, such as wounding and breaking bones. If the one who caused the anger runs away, the angry person turns his anger in on himself, so he may tear his clothes, or strike his cheeks, or have a fit, or fall unconscious, or he may break dishes and plates, or break furniture.

In the worst cases, anger results in social disasters and the breaking of family ties, i.e., divorce. Ask many of those who divorced their wives, and they will tell you: it was in a moment of anger. This divorce results in misery for the children, regret and frustration, a hard and difficult life, all as a result of anger. If they had remembered Allaah, come to their senses, restrained their anger and sought refuge with Allaah, none of this would have happened. Going against the sharee'ah (Islamic law) only results in loss.

The damage to health that results from anger can only be described by doctors, such as thrombosis, high blood pressure, tachycardia (abnormally rapid heartbeat) and hyperventilation (rapid, shallow breathing), which can lead to fatal heart attacks, diabetes, etc. We ask Allaah for good health.

(11) The angry person should think about himself during moments of anger:

If the angry person could see himself in the mirror when he is angry, he would hate himself and the way he looks. If he could see the way he changes, and the way his body and limbs shake, how his eyes glare and how out of control and crazy his behaviour is, he would despise himself and be revolted by his own appearance. It is well-known that inner ugliness is even worse than outer ugliness; how happy the Shaytaan must be when a person is in this state! We seek refuge with Allaah from the Shaytaan and from failure.

(12) Du'aa' (Supplication):

Du'aa' is always the weapon of the believer, whereby he asks Allaah to protect him from evil, trouble and bad behaviour and seeks refuge with Him from falling into the pit of kufr (disbelief) or wrongdoing because of anger. One of the three things that can help save him is: being fair at times of contentment and of anger (Saheeh al-Jaami', 3039). One of the du'aa's of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) was:

"O Allaah, by Your knowledge of the Unseen and Your power over Your creation, keep me alive for as long as You know life is good for me, and cause me to die when You know death is good for me. O Allaah, I ask You to make me fear You in secret and in public, and I ask You to make me speak the truth in times of contentment and of anger. I ask You not to let me be extravagant in poverty or in prosperity. I ask You for continuous blessings, and for contentment that does not end. I ask You to let me accept Your decree, and for a good life after death. I ask You for the joy of seeing Your face and for the longing to meet You, without going through diseases and misguiding fitnah (trials). O Allaah, adorn us with the adornment of faith and make us among those who are guided. Praise be to Allaah, the Lord of the Worlds."

Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid

Courtesy: Islam Q&A

May Allah guide us all in the straight Path,Ameen!!!

Jazak Allahu Khairun,

Saturday, January 26, 2013

Greetings From Ms Younes


Please i need your help, Am from Sudan but i relocate to a refugee Camp in Benin Republic due to the crisis between Sudan and south Sudan, i need you to help me secure my inheritance funds which i inherited from my late parents.I want to TRANSFER my inheritance funds to you for a safe keep & for an investment purposes on these below areas.

1) Telecommunication
2). the transport industry
3). Five Star Hotel
4). Real Estate
5) company enterprise

I am a Girl of 19 years old, i contacted with you because of the Amount sum of Three Million Five Hundred Thousand united states dollars. ($3.500.000.00) which my late Father Deposited for me in the bank as his next of kin before he died out of sickness.

If you can be of an assistance to me, i will be pleased to offer to you 20% of the total amount.

I will be humbly waiting your soonest response.

Respectfully yours,

M.s Lynda S. Younes

Sunday, January 20, 2013

Poem:The Day Is Near

Bismillahir Rahmanir Rahim
In the Name of Allâh, the Most Beneficent, the Most Merciful


The Day Is Near

The day of resurrection is almost near,
My heart is beating badly with fear.

Soon we will be called to account,
On our good deeds our life will amount.

There will be no place to hide,
Everyone will be standing side by side.

Soon our names will be called on,
To do good deeds, the time has gone.

There will be no time to repent,
On our good deeds, we will depend.

As the sun rises from the west,
Time has gone to do our best.

Few bad deeds we did not,
Few good deeds is all we've got.

The time to do good has not gone by,
We have to do good before we die.

By:  Sister Mariam Ali

May Allah guide us all in the straight Path,Ameen!!!

Jazak Allahu Khairun,

Friday, January 18, 2013

Article: What’s Love Got To Do With It?

Bismillahir Rahmanir Rahim
In the Name of Allâh, the Most Beneficent, the Most Merciful


What's Love Got To Do With It?

And as we know from before, Tina Turner put it even more bluntly in her next line of her hit song, "What's love but a second-hand emotion?"

You have to give it to song-writers: they really do express the truth sometimes in remarkably effective fashion.

The issues of love, prospective partners, marriage, keeping the flame of love burning etc have been beaten to death by mankind since time immemorial. Everyone has had a say on the matter and quite right too: no human is free from the stresses, hassles and difficulties encountered in day-to-day life and everyone will have had some brush with the emotion of love at some time. Everyone will want to share their feelings on the issue, and the Islamic internet forums and chat sites seem to talk about nothing else or at least stimulate the most response from the community at large when the topic is addressed.

So why then, after so many thousands of years of human experience have we not solved all these problems and banished the ignorance surrounding it? And why in particular have the Muslims not left their baggage behind on the issue after receiving divine guidance as well? And even more damningly, why haven't the increasingly "practicing" crowd of Muslims who really should know so much better, ranging from the just-started-to-practice-Islam-recently folks to students of knowledge to the scholars themselves, set a clear example to the rest of the community by becoming shining role-models of how relationships should be conducted?

The answer is because this is a human problem, this is a nafs problem, and this is a love problem. No-one is going to get away with an easy ride.

I wish to offer the following words/thoughts on this subject with my focus on the "practising" community because they should all really know better. Those who are just Muslim by identity will fall into all sorts of other cultural problems and barriers and will fall foul of much ignorance and require serious help, more than just a few words in an article, whereas I'd like to concentrate on those who clearly have a problem controlling their desires, have errors in their thought process and just need to be reminded really of what is expected from serious Muslims.

One has to be quite frank in dealing with this, and say things that will hurt people and possibly offend their feelings, yet without being honest about the real deep-set attitudes and problems that we specifically face as a community such as racism, sexism, apathy and misogyny, we'll never reach an agreeable status quo.



I don't feel like writing a fancy article to be honest, so let me ask some rhetorical questions and make a few more statements of rhetoric, all based on what I consider to be prevalent beliefs and truths amongst the Muslim community as someone who has advised and sat on the other end of countless marriage-hunts and subsequent marriage breakdowns, which unfortunately is becoming the only use for many Imams and scholars these days in the West, wa Allahu musta'an.

Once someone starts to look for marriage, it seems that we lose all rational thought. Somehow we believe that we've all become super-special – why are you looking for the perfect girl, when you are not the perfect man? Why should your wife be an Hafidha when you yourself don't know a tenth of the Qur'an? What exactly do you have to offer your wife-to-be instead of the other way round?

Have no doubt that in the meat-market that the marriage scene wants to become, only the best leg of lamb of will do, the best cut, the juiciest piece. But you'd better be prepared to pay a hefty price for such a nice piece of meat. And therein lays the reality: if you want the best woman, you'd better have a whole lot to offer. If you want your wife to be the most beautiful girl in the world, humble as a villager from "back home", smart as a PhD student at Harvard, to cook biryani like your mum, to have as much stamina as a long-distance runner, to be as brave as the strongest Mujahidah, to be as savvy with current society and the community as a female politician and then as religiously practicing and devoted as 'A'isha(r.a), then – other than having to wake up, make ta'awwudh, and turn on to the other side – you had better be the Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu 'alayhi wa sallam). And sorry to say folks, but that just isn't going to happen now is it?

The concept of give and take, to be realistic, to understand and appreciate ones faults and weaknesses and then ever better, to accept and live with them in another person is actually rather difficult and requires serious control over one's heart and desires. This is because when we look for a marriage partner, we make it completely synonymous with the concept of "falling in love" which is rather short-sighted. You see, as many societal scientists have asserted, one of the biggest misconceptions about "falling in love" is that this is love itself.

Of course when you're looking for a prospective partner, you're looking to develop love for the other person but we give a disproportionate bias to the actual emotion of "falling in love" which is almost exclusively a sexually-motivated feeling that is completely temporary. This is not what we call deep love. The whole experience of falling in love, the giddiness of just being with him/her will disappear as quickly as it came. This is just human nature. The type of love that you have for your children or your parents has nothing to do with sexuality or eroticism, rather it is deep-seated appreciation for the other person due to factors of loyalty, closeness, friendship, care etc. Naturally the love of one's wife has the extra aspect of sexual love and desire which is very important but certainly not the key factor for the marriage. It's amazing that the statement of the Prophet (sallallahu 'alayhi wa sallam) concerning the fact that a man will be truly successful if a woman is married for her religion is so well-known yet so discarded when it comes to the final decision on a prospective partner.

Obviously the beauty, wealth, and who the woman actually is (i.e. her lineage) are valid important factors as confirmed by the Prophet (sallallahu 'alayhi wa sallam) but the secret is a not very well kept one: if you really want this marriage to last and be built upon a solid foundation and not just become a one-night stand based upon looks, shape and eloquence, then look for the one who fears Allah most, who is most conscious of Allah at all times and who will never turn away from what Allah and His Messenger wants. It goes without saying that our women should demand the very same in their hunt for a good man as well.

This is how it would be in an ideal situation but clearly with the proliferation of matrimonial sites and marriage meetings and the like, we've come to realise otherwise. The Muslim community is rammed to the rafters with sub-quality men and women, diseased by their surroundings, obsessed with materialism and the visual stimuli and beauty that the world demands all of us to be signed-up members to, ideologically battered into accepting value systems that are alien to our theology, and all suffering a lack of god-consciousness at almost epidemic levels. And now they're desperate. And now, anything is worth a try.

It is through this quagmire that men go "back home" for a traditional girl. It is through this mess that a woman demands a doctor for their husband. And neither party can be blamed. Personally I support the concept that "let the best man win" and encourage both parties to fight for the very best, as this can only be healthy for the community at large. If a person is going to be lazy enough to not work hard and study, or is going to be lazy enough to watch TV rather than memorise the Qur'an, or a girl wishes to study for a degree as opposed to learn the intricacies of child-care and teaching, then leave them alone and they'll find someone who they deserve. If you've put the sacrifice in, then you should look for better. Go and memorise the Qur'an and then demand a Hafidha. Spend your teen years learning fiqh and theology and then demand a scholar for a husband. Study hard and show yourself to be perceptive, intelligent and insightful and then demand a scientist/professional man. Cut yourself off from the normal haunts of society such as the school and work parties, the constant socials with the boys, the weddings and the other places of lewdness and low standards and then demand a woman who rightly hasn't been seen or touched by another man. In summary, the general rule of "you get what you deserve" normally works out true. And in this dog-eat-dog world, if you're the best, expect and demand the best.

As for the rest of us not so blessed with such values and such an ethic of sacrifice, then I guess it's credit crunch time and we should just make do with whatever we can and hope for the best. If we've all become beggars due to the economy, then beggars can't be choosers.

Finally, the practising Muslims out there have an extra responsibility to stamp out the ignorance that affects their own kind. The obsession for the white-convert girl for their much coveted skin colour, the avoidance of black-convert men and women, the avoidance of arab women due to their perceived strength of character and knowledge of female rights in Islam (!), the preference for Asian women due to the perceived ignorance of female rights in Islam (!) and all the other truisms that experience has shown to be very much alive and kicking in our communities needs to be tackled. Sure, there is no problem wanting certain people, preferring certain cultures, accepting parental and family preferences, but when you let that preference develop into a bias and a deep-seated belief, it only feeds the ignorance and xenophobic attitude that some Muslims suffer from today.

In quick conclusion for those wanting to get married, despite everything that I've mentioned and thrown out as thoughts, I personally advise you to find the person who you can gauge to have been best protected from the ideological and materialistic fitnah of this dunya, has learnt and practices as much as possible of the Deen, has the most patience, is the best with kids and education (women), is not lazy and has courage (men) and finally is the best looking person you can hope to find to provide satisfaction for the eyes at a time when society is insisting that our eyes see more and more.

Other truisms need to be kept in mind: no woman wishes to live with her in-laws. Indeed, the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law were not programmed to live permanently with one another and if you want to insist on such an arrangement, expect to jump out of marriage as quickly as you jumped in. It is not correct for a man to just demand a perpetual state of sadaqah from his wife in looking after his parents and family as well as do all the cleaning and housekeeping when it has not been made an obligation upon her. Likewise for the women, expect practising men to be completely committed and devoted to their parents who are dependent upon them. Honest, frank discussions about living conditions post-marriage during the engagement process will be essential to minimise fitnah later on.

And Allah knows best.



Now that the job has been done, the "falling in love" period is over and we're starting to settle down as only married couples know best, we have to turn on the "maintain" button and start the thermostat so that the heating automatically kicks in when the marriage gets a bit cold.

It is about now that those couples who got married based upon looks, wealth and position are really going to struggle. I won't patronise the practising Muslims by placing them in this group but regardless, it's about now that when you wake up in the morning and turn to wake up your wife for Fajr, she doesn't quite look like she did on your wedding day. That's if she isn't awake already considering she hasn't had any sleep with you snoring all night and the fact that you're not bothering to help rock the baby back to sleep during its many tantrums through the night."Hey, this wasn't what I signed up for!" she thinks to herself…

In addition, you're probably from those who are struggling to keep up the levels of diyana or the practising of your Islam completely as you might have envisaged pre-marriage. As the male, you might now be enjoying staying in, children, family and don't have enough time for circles, hifdh and the like. As the mother, you're now busy with the kids and the housework and the levels of iman are low in general. Or as the male, you're attending every circle under the sun and lumping the woman with the kids, the upkeep of the house and the politics of the mother and father, and then wondering during the peak of your iman why your wife is more irritated, impatient, and generally less practising than you are!

Married life is a classic expression of people compromising and putting the other in front of their own wishes and desires. Or at least it should be.

Arguments and disagreements are aplenty, stress and pressures increase exponentially as child care becomes more challenging and keeping up with the Joneses next door at the same time becomes more and more important in the middle-aged life. And with all of these excuses to lose the "loving feeling" between partners and even worse, lose any motivation to try and revive the connection between you, along come all the tests and trials from the rest of the community around you in the form of beautiful younger women, work-mates, colleagues and a society obsessed on offering you better, thinner, sexier ad infinitum.

The woman isn't as beautiful any more, not as slim as she used to be, not as relaxed and easy going as the good old days. The man: well, he's certainly lost his looks, gained a stomach, lost his hair and worst of all, lost his prowess. And there really can't be anything worse for a man to put up with than losing his pride and face in front of his wife and the people. Some truths really are eternal, and as Imam al-Suyuti reportedly said in the book which is (perhaps incorrectly) attributed to him, Nawadir al-Ayk, that the love of the dunya comprises of just two things: women and riding horses. Compare that fact in today's time and it is exactly the same, for a man loves women and quality driving more than anything else. And as all the Letts diaries and popular sayings/phrase books remind us, "Tell a man anything except that he's rubbish at sex and driving."

Hilariously true.

So to suffer such humiliation alongside all the other stresses can often prove too much right? Feel like giving up on all this hassle? Can't be bothered anymore? Need a new life-changing moment? Feeling insecure?

So much so that when looking at the numbers of good Muslim couples divorcing these days, one wonders whether the concept of "Epic Fail" was invented by a bloke looking at the Muslim community.

It is at these challenging times that a Muslim really proves their quality, when the going gets tough, when the wife becomes unbearable to be around, far too depressing and moody, when the husband becomes far too distant, absent and angry, when the woman starts to go out more and socialise with her friends who give her attention, when the husband loses interest in providing sexual satisfaction to his needy partner and only focuses on his two-minute fix of pleasure-on-demand.

It is here when the Muslims have to step up and realise that marriage was most definitely more than just "falling in love", eroticism and the short-term. Rather it is for the sake of Allah, it is for the sake of the children, and it's for the sake of the community at large who need to see people battle it out and suppress their desires for risk, excitement and throwing away stressful responsibility, It is time to stand up and be counted and instead embrace the challenge of maintaining, sustaining, remaining stable and accepting increased responsibility with honour, patience and trust in Allah.

Let me remind you of a wonderful narration from 'Umar b. al-Khattab (radhy Allahu 'anhu) in al-Khara'iti's book on character:

"From Abu 'Azrah al-Du'ali who lived during the time of 'Umar (radhy Allahu 'anhu) and used to marry women and then separate from them, until he became known by the people for doing so, and stories would be told about him. When he heard of this, he took 'Abd Allah b. al-Arqam home with him, and while he was listening, asked his wife, "I implore you with God's name: Do you hate me?"

"Don't implore me like that," she said.

He said, "Yet I do."

"By God, yes." she said.

Abu 'Azrah said to 'Abd Allah, "Did you hear that?" They then left and went to 'Umar, saying to him, "People say I wrong women and then separate from them. Ask Abdullah what he heard from my wife." He did so, and 'Umar having heard what she had said, sent for his wife.

He said to her, "Are you the one that goes and tells her husband that she hates him?"

She said, "Oh Leader of the Faithful, I am the first to repent and turn back to God's command. He implored me in God's name, so what was I supposed to do? Lie? I felt wrong lying!"

"Then lie," said 'Umar(r.a). "If one of you doesn't love someone else they shouldn't say so. Few are those houses that are built upon love; rather people get along by depending upon Islam and Ihsan to one another."


This is of course what we expect from those deep and blessed people who understood the inner realities of life and the challenges that they bring. 'Umar(r.a) has effectively provided for today's social scientists the history of the old adage that love is indeed fickle, temporal and but just a fleeting moment. Relationships might kick off with love and enjoy little moments of love here and there, but their fuel and sustenance comes from respect, justice, friendship, loyalty and sacrifice; all of these aspects and more are wonderfully and succinctly summed up by 'Umar(r.a) in his use of Islam and Ihsan to illustrate the pinnacle of these qualities.

So just as we recognise when a warring couple come to us for divorce and we appreciate that they are both within their legal right to divorce, we try to discourage them as much as possible. This is not because the "most hated thing to Allah from the halal actions is divorce" (which is not an authentic Hadith as claimed by many) but because the children deserve better, the respective families deserve better and the community deserves better.

It is often difficult to look beyond your own needs and wants in such critical moments of crisis; it is difficult to remind ourselves that our children need a strong parental presence to survive in the hell that 21st Century society has become, whether in the West or the East – no place in the world is safe enough any more to allow our children free to just grow up by themselves. It is difficult to appreciate just how dependent the community is upon certain Muslim couples to be perfect, look perfect and act perfect. They can't afford to slip up and they can't afford to show cracks to a people whose only hope of keeping themselves together is the fact that their role-models are doing the same.

And let not the devil take advantage of you here and question your intentions. This is not a fraud or a lie. The Prophet (sallallahu 'alayhi wa sallam) allowed what could possibly be translated as "blagging" to occur specifically to keep the husband and wife together and strong, even if things were difficult. It's really an incredible thing that we are allowed to say that "you look wonderful tonight" when she patently doesn't, or to say "that thobe makes you look quite thin" when you know that even a tent wouldn't hide that backside of his. But this shows the extent that we are commanded to try to keep other people happy, other Muslims happy, and indeed the mother and father of our children happy!

Perhaps such reminders can fall foul to idealism, but problems do need achievable goals and the Muslims should have no doubt that peaceful happy marriage is possible between husbands and wives who might not still have much in common, where there might not seem many reasons to carry on making sacrifices, and where the grass always seems greener on the other side.

No, it is always worth making sacrifices. Surely this is what drives the Muslim in this life, the fact that he/she doesn't act and make decisions thinking in the short-term i.e. the life of this world, but rather acts not expecting to see good results in this dunya and thus receiving the full rewards in the next life.

Being patient and remaining calm at moments of anger and fury, or trying to overcome that apparent impasse might seem difficult for the Muslim but it shouldn't.

For the woman, if he's acting like a fool then just remind him of his obligations, tell him how you feel and tell him that you will take a higher road. And do that. You have it in your genetic make-up to have a greater amount of compassion, mercy and patience so this is the greatest and most rewarding time to use it: to save a marriage. And if all else fails, think of the children.

As for the man, then when your wife has done the "unforgiveable" and irritated you beyond what you can "possibly bear" and you are about to open your mouth and say something that you'll ultimately regret, just stop and reflect. You spend enough time in jest reminding your wife that she is deficient in deen and 'aql, that she is worth half a man in 'aql and witnessing etc. Well, let's see you put that belief into practice. If she really is "half a man", really is "half your'aql", then as one of our blessed scholars said, "You should have double the patience, double the calmness, double the gentleness and double the understanding." If that's not striking enough for you, then think of another amazing fact: if she really is half a man, then she has put up with all of the rubbish you throw at her every day to such a level which is only 50% of what is possible yet 100% of her ability!

Now let's see you walk your own talk and show yourself to be the one who is more magnanimous. And if all else fails, think of the children.

Clearly no-one likes to swallow a bitter pill, but it wouldn't be difficult or a sacrifice if the pill wasn't bitter. Marriages survive with people just stopping at the critical moment of fury and saying, "You know what, I've forgiven you, so please forgive me for even bringing this issue to this level."

And that's it. Simple as that.

All the Hadith on peace-making show up an incredible trait in humans: that when the reason to hate the other is challenged, the hate dissipates as quickly as it came. Thus, when you are mad at your wife for something and then you are told by a 3rd party (as per the Hadith) who twists his words and says, "She really loves you and made a mistake in what she said," then regardless of whether that's the truth or not, when you see her next, there will be a completely different reaction. And when you don't react in the horrible way that she's expecting to react, she'll also become immediately very sorrowful and will rid herself of any rancour as well. This is not idealism. This is fact. History and experience have borne witness to this and it is the right of all Muslims to act like this especially when advised as such by our Prophet (sallallahu 'alayhi wa sallam). It is only at these times when people realise just how petty that anger was, how petty the argument was, and how petty a reason you were trying to find to throwing away all that is really important to you in your life.

For this is the crux of the issue: although at moments you may become heedless but your partner is the most important aspect of surviving the test of this dunya. They are what protect you from zina, they are the ones who bring peace, stability, security and reassurance to the family home. They are the ones who keep you warm at night, and on a good night bring even more benefit! They are also the ones who give you the delight of your eyes, the "reason you live for" and more compellingly, the only possible reason that you may achieve intercession to get into Paradise: your children.

Marriage is worth it. Sacrifice is worth it. Keeping the Devil miserable is worth it. Gaining the Pleasure of Allah is worth it.

So keep up the struggle and keep the flame burning, and from my side I'll resist the temptation to end this piece with another hit song from the eighties…

And Allah jalla wa 'ala knows best.

By: Abu Eesa Niamatullah

Source: http://alternativeentertainment.wordpress.com/2008/11/25/whats-love-got-to-do-with-it-2/


May Allah guide us all in the straight Path,Ameen!!!

Jazak Allahu Khairun,

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Story: The Niqabi sister stood in the line to pay for her groceries

Bismillahir Rahmanir Rahim
In the Name of Allâh, the Most Beneficent, the Most Merciful


The Niqabi sister stood in the line to pay for her groceries

After picking groceries in the supermarket, the Niqabi sister stood in the line to pay. After few minutes, her turn came up at the checkout counter.

The checkout
counter girl who was Non Hijabi Arab Muslim girl started to scan the items of the Niqabi sister one buy one and then she looked at her with arrogance and said :"we have in France many problems,… your Niqab is one of them!!

We, immigrants, are here for trade and not to show our Deen or history! If you want to practice your Deen and wear Niqab then go back to your Arab country and do whatever you want!!" The Niqabi sister stopped putting her grocery in the bag and took off her Niqab…

The checkout
counter girl was in total shock! The Niqabi girl who was blond with blue eyes told her:"I am a French girl, not an Arab immigrant! This is my country and THIS IS MY ISLAM!! You born Muslims sold your Deen and we bought it from you!"
end of story

This is a fact! Many revert Muslims have stronger faith than born Muslims! SubhanAllah!

Allah says;
وَإِن تَتَوَلَّوْا يَسْتَبْدِلْ قَوْمًا غَيْرَكُمْ ثُمَّ لَا يَكُونُوا أَمْثَالَكُم
And if you turn away, He (Allah) will replace you with another people; then they will not be the likes of you... (Quran Muhammad 47:38)

Indeed, "Islam began a stranger and, then, it will return as it began. Then success is to the strangers!"

Source: http://salaf-stories.blogspot.co.uk/2012/05/niqabi-sister-stood-in-line-to-pay.html

May Allah guide us all in the straight Path,Ameen!!!
Jazak Allahu Khairun,